Aloha!

Well, it is July 12th and I am on my way to LAX to board a plane destination: Hawaii. Unless you are a diehard surfer, Hawaii is summer vacation central especially for desert folk like myself. Forget temperatures that can get to over 120°F, I'm heading somewhere that stays consistently at a pleasant 80°F year round. I'm sure not all of you will be as fortunate to escape the flesh-melting summer heat, so I thought I would point out some of the less enticing aspects of vacationing in Hawaii for the summer.

Let's start with the waves... there aren't any. Occasionally a freak storm will roll through but all the killer surfing you see in videos happens during the winter. Without storms to churn up the swells, the ocean in the summer in Hawaii is as flat as Columbus' map of the square world.

How about the occasional daily rainstorm? Every day in Hawaii, it will probably rain at some point. It's not a frigid, bothersome rain and usually only lasts for spurts of 5 or 10 minutes... some people don't understand this though and frantically pack their shit and flee the beaches, which is always pretty fun to watch. Anyway, if you were fond of say, wearing suits, then Hawaii would probably only piss you off.



Then there are the indigenous life: Poisonous Urchins line the ocean floor--Urchins AND razor sharp coral. Before I go to Hawaii I prepare by training with the olympic water polo team in anticipation of treading water hours upon hours to avoid touching the ocean bottom.

Centipedes are about the most heinous insect god ever invented. Centipedes are freaky as, and sneaky to boot. I've seen one at over a foot long so who knows how big they can be. These guys are totally poisonous as well. When night settles in, especially if it has recently rained, don't step on any leaves. Those dudes are very dumb for not killing it. That's what you do with centipedes, you hack them up with machetes...

Last but not least the "friendly" locals. Don't get me wrong, there are of course a ton of really pleasant, friendly and amiable locals in Hawaii but I wouldn't want to be the Haole boy who wandered into the wrong situation. Put it this way, don't be surprised when instead of a Lei and an "Aloha" you get "Go home Haole boy" screamed at you from passing cars.

So there you have it, Hawaii isn't the island paradise it's hyped up to be. Well, anyway hopefully you all find a way to beat the heat. I'll be posting updates from North Shore occasionally and otherwise there will still be plenty of the same wonderful snowboard content as well.